I swear! Men have no idea the powers they posses! Assholes! Man. Sometimes I wish we were all women. Then I realize that's kind of gay and I don't mean it. I just wish men weren't such dicks.
So there's this dood I like. Sort of. It's not that I like him... it's that I want to. I'm in that initial stage of being caught in his web. You know, the knee buckling, the drooling, jaw dropping, dumb look on your face when he walks by type bullshit. That's me right now. Retahded? Indeed. However, it is how the game goes. Isn't it? You're all familiar with the process so stop judging me jerks! Hahaha...
Anyway...
What I'm starting to realize is he may not feel the same. I guess I shouldn't have indulged myself so quickly. I might not be so dumb to what he's making pretty damn obvious. Or.. is he? Gah!!!
Whatever. I'm an insecure woman and he's a dick. DICK! Asshole... mother fucker. Indeed.
He's also super hot. :/ He's the type that's easy to day dream about (if you catch my drift, wink wink wink wink wink wink wink!!!) He's... "dreamy" I guess. That's what my mom said about Mike Mathasen when she was in high school. But how did that turn out? Yeah. I'm not calling Mike Mathasen daddy now am I? No. FML!
So what do I do!? I don't know. I have been out of the dating game for SOOOOO FING LONG that I have no idea if it's still even called DATING! Who does that anymore? DATE? Isn't the modern way to day to wink, smile, and pull your pants down? I don't know... but I would. With him. I would. Well... maybe I wouldn't wink. That's kind of lame in the heat of the moment... but you know.
GRANDMA... I'm sorry if you're reading. I know I sound like a whore. It's not true... I just want to be for him. You know? I'm sure you understand. I apologize though. Love you <3
Ok. I need to practice my smile in the mirror. Later.
Sarah
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
A situation unfolding?
Justin decided to visit his dad during his summer break. I thought it would be a great idea. I've always been a supporter of Justin working on his relationship with his dad.. so of course I was on board. Even excited about it...
About a week after Justin left to his dads I recieved a package in the mail from child support services. Bon (his dad) wanted to review our case. Basically he wanted the courts to check and see how much money I was making to see if he could reduce his child support payments.
REWIND:
A few months back Bon called me and asked me if I would sign off on the back child support he owes (65,000). Obviously I said no. He kept bringing it up and tried to convince me that even after I signed off on the back support he would continue paying child support. Right. I stood my ground.
FAST FORWARD TO TODAY:
I'm filling out the paperwork and it dawned on me that I hadn't heard from Justin in the past three days. Ok. I won't freak out.. but it is unusual. Especially since a few days ago Justin heard some upsetting news from his dads girlfriend. During a conversation she mentioned that his dad told her that the reason Bon wasn't around when Justin was younger was because I wouldn't allow him to come around. Which is absolutely untrue. Justin knowing the truth, got upset. He called me angry and unsure of what to do with this information. I told him that it would be a great opportunity for him to sit down with his dad and have a father/son talk. Get some questions answered. I talked Justin down from his anger and by the time we got off the phone he had a plan in mind and felt better about the situation. I on the other hand was angry. Angry that after all of my attempts to keep Bons connection with his son open he could risk losing it again. But ok... it's not about me. However it has been noted. Justin wanted this opportunity to talk to his dad. So for now I will hold my tongue.
The next day Justin called me. He said he spoke to his dad and that he was fine but he couldn't talk about it because there were people in the room. He didn't have the privacy to speak freely. He said they were going bowling the next day and that he'd call me back.
It's been three days and he hasn't called me back. His dad isn't answering my calls or giving my messages to Justin (apparently).
What I'm concerned with at this point is:
1. I should always have access to my son at all times. There is no reason why I shouldn't be able to pick up the phone and reach my son.
2. Bon is being shady. He wont take my calls. I don't know if he doesn't want to talk to me because he knows I've received the papers or what? He doesn't have to talk to me though. I just want to speak to my son. He could have Justin call me if that's the case.
3. Bon wanting to decrease the child support payments isn't something I'm concerned with. The courts will handle that. What worries me is his persistance. His hard focus on it. It makes me wonder if he would try to get custody. He has mentioned moving to Texas a few times. He said the only thing keeping him from going is Justin.
So. I can't reach my son. His dad has been acting shady and ignoring my calls and has been desperately trying to get out of paying child support. All the while.. Texas is looming in the back of my mind.
This is what's on my mind tonight.
About a week after Justin left to his dads I recieved a package in the mail from child support services. Bon (his dad) wanted to review our case. Basically he wanted the courts to check and see how much money I was making to see if he could reduce his child support payments.
REWIND:
A few months back Bon called me and asked me if I would sign off on the back child support he owes (65,000). Obviously I said no. He kept bringing it up and tried to convince me that even after I signed off on the back support he would continue paying child support. Right. I stood my ground.
FAST FORWARD TO TODAY:
I'm filling out the paperwork and it dawned on me that I hadn't heard from Justin in the past three days. Ok. I won't freak out.. but it is unusual. Especially since a few days ago Justin heard some upsetting news from his dads girlfriend. During a conversation she mentioned that his dad told her that the reason Bon wasn't around when Justin was younger was because I wouldn't allow him to come around. Which is absolutely untrue. Justin knowing the truth, got upset. He called me angry and unsure of what to do with this information. I told him that it would be a great opportunity for him to sit down with his dad and have a father/son talk. Get some questions answered. I talked Justin down from his anger and by the time we got off the phone he had a plan in mind and felt better about the situation. I on the other hand was angry. Angry that after all of my attempts to keep Bons connection with his son open he could risk losing it again. But ok... it's not about me. However it has been noted. Justin wanted this opportunity to talk to his dad. So for now I will hold my tongue.
The next day Justin called me. He said he spoke to his dad and that he was fine but he couldn't talk about it because there were people in the room. He didn't have the privacy to speak freely. He said they were going bowling the next day and that he'd call me back.
It's been three days and he hasn't called me back. His dad isn't answering my calls or giving my messages to Justin (apparently).
What I'm concerned with at this point is:
1. I should always have access to my son at all times. There is no reason why I shouldn't be able to pick up the phone and reach my son.
2. Bon is being shady. He wont take my calls. I don't know if he doesn't want to talk to me because he knows I've received the papers or what? He doesn't have to talk to me though. I just want to speak to my son. He could have Justin call me if that's the case.
3. Bon wanting to decrease the child support payments isn't something I'm concerned with. The courts will handle that. What worries me is his persistance. His hard focus on it. It makes me wonder if he would try to get custody. He has mentioned moving to Texas a few times. He said the only thing keeping him from going is Justin.
So. I can't reach my son. His dad has been acting shady and ignoring my calls and has been desperately trying to get out of paying child support. All the while.. Texas is looming in the back of my mind.
This is what's on my mind tonight.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Revisiting the past - part 1
So..
I was sitting on the computer bullshitting.. feeling like a total retard for sitting on my ass when so much still needs to be done. I decided to put on some tunes and get to work. After I straightened up a little, did some dishes and emptied trash cans.. I noticed it was getting a little late. Late enough to where if I started a load of laundry now, I wouldn't be up until midnight fighting someone for a dryer. SO I start a load of clothes. As I am walking back to the apartment I figured... eh.. I'm by the car... I have my keys.. I'm thirsty. So I went to 7eleven. On my way there.. mom and I were on the phone. We were still on the phone when I parked the car and turned off the lights. We got off the phone shortly after that and I was inspired to give Mike a call. My mind is already a flutter and after leaving a MESSAGE on mikes voicemail I'm just down right distracted...
I buy my water and cigarettes (water for health cigarettes for nerves, it makes sense..I swear.) and have a jolly chat with the lad behind the counter. I stroll out to my car.. and upon reaching for the door handle I realize that I've done locked my keys in the car. Remind yourself here..that I have already called my tow truck driving brother and was asked to LEAVE A MESSAGE. So I stand. Stare. Stir. What the hell am I going to do? It's not like I have power locks or those easy push up button locks.. no. I was blessed with probably the hardest door lock to open (at least this is what I'm thinking at the time). In a huff I scurry on over to the gas station next door. I say "Hey man.. I need some help. I've locked my keys in my car" the man replies "want a hanger?". Hm. Why does his response make me want to shove the hanger down his throat and pull out his gizzards? Ok.. I'll be nice. I say "geee mister, thanks!" and am on my way.
Twenty minutes have passed and people are walking by me. People are not even looking at me, OR are looking right at me and still I don't exist. Now I like my stupid hanger and begin to bend it into the shape of something deathly sharp and distructive! But anyways..
At this point I have called Mike and Josh.. I'm going crazy thinking someone is going to steal my laundry if I don't get to it before the buzzer goes off! Ugh.. I'M BEGINNING TO PEE MYSELF WITH ANGER!!! and I say OUT LOUD! "YOU FUCKIN IDIOT!" .. Looking back on it now.. in slow mo .. the angels began to sing at about "fuckin". I look up and there he is... in all his meaty manness glory..
My heart DROPS.. my eye lashes begin to do this weird.. blinking thing... faster and faster and I can feel my cheek bones being smashed together by the monster sized slut grin on my face! My left foot starts turning inward as if my toes wanted to attack my other foot.. and my chest begins to heave violently.. but I think it was my fingers trying to twirl my hair that was most obvious.. they kind of got stuck in a rats nest that did NOT want to let go. Then.. he speaks.
Sssshh... I can still hear it....mmmm "Hi, can I help you with that?" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All the things I just described above x 3 now. "Um.. sure. Thanks" I say in my fuck me here and now polite voice. He reaches out to me.. and I open my arms to welcome him into my life.. and then... he gently takes hold of my........ hanger. As he prods my car door window I fail to find the words to tell him that it won't work. I stare.. with joy in my heart and hair in my fingernails. He was tall.. tan.. bald buff and tattooed. He smelt like freshly packed sirloin. I could see his children in my womb. Then our rendezvous was abruptly interrupted by a damn TOW TRUCK DRIVER! No. This was not Mike. A tow truck driver had been getting gas at the gas station where the kind gentleman handed me the hanger in great haste and concern to help me! I saw the tow truck driver .. but I did not call to him for I was being .....helped. This did not stop him from INTRUDING on my SPEACIAL MOMENT!! He rolls up in his oh so NOISY truck "HEY" he says with his eyes set on my tight Beatles t-shirt .. "Need a hand?" I'm EXPLODING with anger. "No thanks! We've got it" I say in my you're almost a murder victim polite way. He says "You sure?" and I reply with a simple smile and gesture to send him on his way. Gods heavenly creature continued to prod at my car door window... oh fuck the laundry. About ten minutes have passed and Gods heavenly creature realizes he will not be successful in his attempt to help. So.. I must concede. I say "Thank you for trying. I appreciate it" and he .............inhale...........smiles. I watch him as he goes in to buy his whatever.. and then steal a few more ass shots as he heads to his car. It was only when I saw his tail lights that I remembered I said no thanks to the GOD DAMN TOW TRUCK DRIVER!!!!! FUCK!!!
To my surprise.. Mike calls "I'm on my way" and all ends well.
But I met him tonight. The man I should marry. The man who should give me children and ass.. lots of ass. My heavenly creature.
*Sigh*
Read more: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendId=26208928&page=9#ixzz0tJRiEcLm
I was sitting on the computer bullshitting.. feeling like a total retard for sitting on my ass when so much still needs to be done. I decided to put on some tunes and get to work. After I straightened up a little, did some dishes and emptied trash cans.. I noticed it was getting a little late. Late enough to where if I started a load of laundry now, I wouldn't be up until midnight fighting someone for a dryer. SO I start a load of clothes. As I am walking back to the apartment I figured... eh.. I'm by the car... I have my keys.. I'm thirsty. So I went to 7eleven. On my way there.. mom and I were on the phone. We were still on the phone when I parked the car and turned off the lights. We got off the phone shortly after that and I was inspired to give Mike a call. My mind is already a flutter and after leaving a MESSAGE on mikes voicemail I'm just down right distracted...
I buy my water and cigarettes (water for health cigarettes for nerves, it makes sense..I swear.) and have a jolly chat with the lad behind the counter. I stroll out to my car.. and upon reaching for the door handle I realize that I've done locked my keys in the car. Remind yourself here..that I have already called my tow truck driving brother and was asked to LEAVE A MESSAGE. So I stand. Stare. Stir. What the hell am I going to do? It's not like I have power locks or those easy push up button locks.. no. I was blessed with probably the hardest door lock to open (at least this is what I'm thinking at the time). In a huff I scurry on over to the gas station next door. I say "Hey man.. I need some help. I've locked my keys in my car" the man replies "want a hanger?". Hm. Why does his response make me want to shove the hanger down his throat and pull out his gizzards? Ok.. I'll be nice. I say "geee mister, thanks!" and am on my way.
Twenty minutes have passed and people are walking by me. People are not even looking at me, OR are looking right at me and still I don't exist. Now I like my stupid hanger and begin to bend it into the shape of something deathly sharp and distructive! But anyways..
At this point I have called Mike and Josh.. I'm going crazy thinking someone is going to steal my laundry if I don't get to it before the buzzer goes off! Ugh.. I'M BEGINNING TO PEE MYSELF WITH ANGER!!! and I say OUT LOUD! "YOU FUCKIN IDIOT!" .. Looking back on it now.. in slow mo .. the angels began to sing at about "fuckin". I look up and there he is... in all his meaty manness glory..
My heart DROPS.. my eye lashes begin to do this weird.. blinking thing... faster and faster and I can feel my cheek bones being smashed together by the monster sized slut grin on my face! My left foot starts turning inward as if my toes wanted to attack my other foot.. and my chest begins to heave violently.. but I think it was my fingers trying to twirl my hair that was most obvious.. they kind of got stuck in a rats nest that did NOT want to let go. Then.. he speaks.
Sssshh... I can still hear it....mmmm "Hi, can I help you with that?" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All the things I just described above x 3 now. "Um.. sure. Thanks" I say in my fuck me here and now polite voice. He reaches out to me.. and I open my arms to welcome him into my life.. and then... he gently takes hold of my........ hanger. As he prods my car door window I fail to find the words to tell him that it won't work. I stare.. with joy in my heart and hair in my fingernails. He was tall.. tan.. bald buff and tattooed. He smelt like freshly packed sirloin. I could see his children in my womb. Then our rendezvous was abruptly interrupted by a damn TOW TRUCK DRIVER! No. This was not Mike. A tow truck driver had been getting gas at the gas station where the kind gentleman handed me the hanger in great haste and concern to help me! I saw the tow truck driver .. but I did not call to him for I was being .....helped. This did not stop him from INTRUDING on my SPEACIAL MOMENT!! He rolls up in his oh so NOISY truck "HEY" he says with his eyes set on my tight Beatles t-shirt .. "Need a hand?" I'm EXPLODING with anger. "No thanks! We've got it" I say in my you're almost a murder victim polite way. He says "You sure?" and I reply with a simple smile and gesture to send him on his way. Gods heavenly creature continued to prod at my car door window... oh fuck the laundry. About ten minutes have passed and Gods heavenly creature realizes he will not be successful in his attempt to help. So.. I must concede. I say "Thank you for trying. I appreciate it" and he .............inhale...........smiles. I watch him as he goes in to buy his whatever.. and then steal a few more ass shots as he heads to his car. It was only when I saw his tail lights that I remembered I said no thanks to the GOD DAMN TOW TRUCK DRIVER!!!!! FUCK!!!
To my surprise.. Mike calls "I'm on my way" and all ends well.
But I met him tonight. The man I should marry. The man who should give me children and ass.. lots of ass. My heavenly creature.
*Sigh*
Read more: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendId=26208928&page=9#ixzz0tJRiEcLm
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
WILL FUCK FOR FOOD!
Ahoy!
I'm sitting at my dinning room table stuffing my watering mouth with farfelle covered in vodka sauce. I thought I'd blog about it since THIS is when life is good. This is when... I'm happy.
We had a couple pieces of rosemary sourdough bread left. I toasted them.. then brushed them with olive oil seasoned with salt and pepper and a crushed clove of garlic. I will never eat rosemary sourdough another way again. I cut it up and put it in my salad. D E L I C I O U S!
I partnered my pasta with a cabernet sauvignon and flat bread. Piano music gently playing in the background....
Leave me alone.
Sarah
I'm sitting at my dinning room table stuffing my watering mouth with farfelle covered in vodka sauce. I thought I'd blog about it since THIS is when life is good. This is when... I'm happy.
We had a couple pieces of rosemary sourdough bread left. I toasted them.. then brushed them with olive oil seasoned with salt and pepper and a crushed clove of garlic. I will never eat rosemary sourdough another way again. I cut it up and put it in my salad. D E L I C I O U S!
I partnered my pasta with a cabernet sauvignon and flat bread. Piano music gently playing in the background....
Leave me alone.
Sarah
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