Revisiting the past - part 1

So..

I was sitting on the computer bullshitting.. feeling like a total retard for sitting on my ass when so much still needs to be done. I decided to put on some tunes and get to work. After I straightened up a little, did some dishes and emptied trash cans.. I noticed it was getting a little late. Late enough to where if I started a load of laundry now, I wouldn't be up until midnight fighting someone for a dryer. SO I start a load of clothes. As I am walking back to the apartment I figured... eh.. I'm by the car... I have my keys.. I'm thirsty. So I went to 7eleven. On my way there.. mom and I were on the phone. We were still on the phone when I parked the car and turned off the lights. We got off the phone shortly after that and I was inspired to give Mike a call. My mind is already a flutter and after leaving a MESSAGE on mikes voicemail I'm just down right distracted...

I buy my water and cigarettes (water for health cigarettes for nerves, it makes sense..I swear.) and have a jolly chat with the lad behind the counter. I stroll out to my car.. and upon reaching for the door handle I realize that I've done locked my keys in the car. Remind yourself here..that I have already called my tow truck driving brother and was asked to LEAVE A MESSAGE. So I stand. Stare. Stir. What the hell am I going to do? It's not like I have power locks or those easy push up button locks.. no. I was blessed with probably the hardest door lock to open (at least this is what I'm thinking at the time). In a huff I scurry on over to the gas station next door. I say "Hey man.. I need some help. I've locked my keys in my car" the man replies "want a hanger?". Hm. Why does his response make me want to shove the hanger down his throat and pull out his gizzards? Ok.. I'll be nice. I say "geee mister, thanks!" and am on my way.

Twenty minutes have passed and people are walking by me. People are not even looking at me, OR are looking right at me and still I don't exist. Now I like my stupid hanger and begin to bend it into the shape of something deathly sharp and distructive! But anyways..

At this point I have called Mike and Josh.. I'm going crazy thinking someone is going to steal my laundry if I don't get to it before the buzzer goes off! Ugh.. I'M BEGINNING TO PEE MYSELF WITH ANGER!!! and I say OUT LOUD! "YOU FUCKIN IDIOT!" .. Looking back on it now.. in slow mo .. the angels began to sing at about "fuckin". I look up and there he is... in all his meaty manness glory..
My heart DROPS.. my eye lashes begin to do this weird.. blinking thing... faster and faster and I can feel my cheek bones being smashed together by the monster sized slut grin on my face! My left foot starts turning inward as if my toes wanted to attack my other foot.. and my chest begins to heave violently.. but I think it was my fingers trying to twirl my hair that was most obvious.. they kind of got stuck in a rats nest that did NOT want to let go. Then.. he speaks.
Sssshh... I can still hear it....mmmm "Hi, can I help you with that?" !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All the things I just described above x 3 now. "Um.. sure. Thanks" I say in my fuck me here and now polite voice. He reaches out to me.. and I open my arms to welcome him into my life.. and then... he gently takes hold of my........ hanger. As he prods my car door window I fail to find the words to tell him that it won't work. I stare.. with joy in my heart and hair in my fingernails. He was tall.. tan.. bald buff and tattooed. He smelt like freshly packed sirloin. I could see his children in my womb. Then our rendezvous was abruptly interrupted by a damn TOW TRUCK DRIVER! No. This was not Mike. A tow truck driver had been getting gas at the gas station where the kind gentleman handed me the hanger in great haste and concern to help me! I saw the tow truck driver .. but I did not call to him for I was being .....helped. This did not stop him from INTRUDING on my SPEACIAL MOMENT!! He rolls up in his oh so NOISY truck "HEY" he says with his eyes set on my tight Beatles t-shirt .. "Need a hand?" I'm EXPLODING with anger. "No thanks! We've got it" I say in my you're almost a murder victim polite way. He says "You sure?" and I reply with a simple smile and gesture to send him on his way. Gods heavenly creature continued to prod at my car door window... oh fuck the laundry. About ten minutes have passed and Gods heavenly creature realizes he will not be successful in his attempt to help. So.. I must concede. I say "Thank you for trying. I appreciate it" and he .............inhale...........smiles. I watch him as he goes in to buy his whatever.. and then steal a few more ass shots as he heads to his car. It was only when I saw his tail lights that I remembered I said no thanks to the GOD DAMN TOW TRUCK DRIVER!!!!! FUCK!!!
To my surprise.. Mike calls "I'm on my way" and all ends well.

But I met him tonight. The man I should marry. The man who should give me children and ass.. lots of ass. My heavenly creature.

*Sigh*


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